Last year, shortly after my birthday, I revealed that I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS) and that I was excited about turning 33 years old. Here is what I experienced this past year.
I found that I was on the search for balance, self-love, and confidence. Through trials and tribulations of self-doubt, I easily found what I feared, but I also was able to work to push through to find all the things I love about myself. It wasn’t easy, but I was finally able to focus on the positive and on things I am passionate about and like. I am able to surround myself with people I support and love. I feel strong on the inside, and man, I haven’t felt this in a long time. Will I feel like this way forever? Maybe not, but, maybe. I know that I am able to love me, imperfections and all. Like most things, some days are easier than others, but I found self-love again.
I am learning more about my limits, but now, I find myself wanting to work on getting out of my comfort zone to grow personally and creatively. The work I did to set this foundation has me wanting to push myself outside this comfort zone, so I can flourish into this next season of life. What did this mean for me? It meant I needed to deal with the pain, fear, and self-doubt; to re-build what was once there only to surpass it. I needed my endurance back physically and mentally. I think it is coming back slowly but surely. The evidence of this is that I have excitement to share my thoughts, my journey, and trying new things without the fear of failing. Maybe fear is there a little bit, but I know embracing my failure is going to lead me to where I need to be. My confidence is peeking through coming to the point where I am know I am capable of accomplishing the goals I have set for myself.
Balance is a little tricky. Once you think you have a routine, SURPRISE, life throws you a curve ball. I needed to be better and to my mind and my body. I have been trying to be conscious about what I eat and exercising more consistently. I love salads and love taking spin classes, so I make sure to make time to fit these things in my routine. I’m not perfect, so there are times where I do eat queso or have a hamburger and fries and skip a workout day. But balance, right?
So that's what I've been working on this year. I'm far from perfect, and I find myself giving myself grace to make it through a month, a week, or even a day. And I am okay with that. So cheers to my upcoming 34th birthday. 33 is going to be hard to beat, but I am up for the challenge!